Have you been crying a lot lately? Well, lately, I have been crying a lot. I have always been a highly sensitive person and until recently, I never understood why until a book fell into my lap which described me to a tee. The book I refer to is called "Sensitive is the New Strong. The Power of Empaths in an Increasingly Harsh World." By Anita Moorjani.
To sum it up, an empath take's on people's energy's as if it is their own. I can walk into a party and start talking to someone who is having a bad day, all of a sudden they walk away feeling great while I am left feeling terrible. What just happened? I felt great a few moments ago. I unknowingly give my energy to everyone. I learned I am very psychic and as a result, I get the outer world and my inner being confused. I have no idea if it's my own thought or a message from above. I will take care of everyone's needs before my own. I read spirituality books because I thought something was wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with me, I was feeling and trying to heal the people around me. Thanks to Anita's book, things were starting to make a lot of sense. As you know I love making shifts and this was a big one.
I'm going to go a little off-topic here but I will circle back. I am in the process of getting a divorce and divorce is one of those things that until you go through it you have no freaking idea how painful it is. For me, it's right up there with getting cancer or grieving the death of a loved one. The loss is tremendous, even though I was the one who asked for the divorce, the pain is excruciating. I am so grateful to have a few close friends who supported me through the process. I do not know what I would have done without them. After getting over the shame and guilt of leaving my twenty-year marriage just for my own happiness, JUST, I had to face the reality that I left a place where I felt safe and secure. It took me a very long time to make the decision to leave but once I did, I did not foresee the arduous climb ahead. Every step was painstaking as I forged my way to the top of my bridge. When I finally reached the top, I looked over the edge in complete fear. It took me years to find the courage to take the giant leap into the unknown but here I was, falling with my arms flailing in mid-air. I thought what have I done? The only safety net I had was of faith.
So I cry. I am an empath. I cry because I doubted my decision. I cry because I broke up my family. I cry because I miss the home where I raised my children. I cry because I miss my bed where I recovered from cancer. I cry because I miss having morning coffee with Bob. I cry because I miss sitting down with my family for a meal. I cry and it is ok. It is part of who I am.
I always believed the crying came from a place of making the wrong decision. Then I started having moments of peace and clarity amongst the crying. I could hear that voice that I speak of so often. That knowing voice. God's voice saying to me, keep going my child, it's ok to take care of yourself. It's ok to say no for your own happiness. It's ok to say yes to Lori. God's voice appeared in books and from long talks with my girlfriends. God's voice came during my daily meditation. God's voice came from a red rose I saw floating in the water or all the hummingbirds and butterflies I have witnessed along the way. God's voice came from my intuition and once I could protect myself from energies that were not mine, the voices became stronger and stronger.
My journey is unforeseen but I suppose that is the beauty of life. Now when I cry, I embrace it. I know it is a reminder there is more to let go and release. Now that I have the tools to protect myself I can create an authentic life. So, let it out and have a good cry. It will create space for something amazing.
I hope this blog post finds you well.