It will have been 5 years on December 1st that my father, Roger, passed away. I think about him every day and miss him dearly. Like most family members we had our ups and downs but when I was in the hospital, he came to me loud and clear. I'll get back to this.
I have been reading a lot about spirit guides and how they can help you along your journey. I have the little tribe that I pray and meditate with every day. Jesus is to the right of me and Mother Mary to the left of me. I invite the Holy Spirit to heal me, St. Anthony to watch over my family. St Ignatius for forgiveness. St. Theresa and St. Francis are present, not sure why they are there but I'll take it and of course, God. I also invite anyone that has passed to join in. My aunt Flora loves to make an appearance, as well as the many family and friends that I have lost. The one I feel the most often is my dad. When my dad comes to me in my meditation I feel a warm hand on my cheek. Ok, if I have freaked you out you can stop reading but I have a feeling I am not the only one who has experienced a loved one visiting.
When I was in the hospital I mentioned that I had a life review and that the first thing on my journey towards healing was forgiveness. One night I was on the stationary bike on the 12th floor of UCSF overlooking the city. As I was riding and looking out at the view I felt my dad's presence next to me. I immediately started crying. Side note...When my dad comes to visit, I usually start crying because I miss him so much. I told him how sorry I was for being a shitty daughter, that I could have been better. I could have treated him with more respect, and patience and kindness. I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry Dad. Please forgive me. Tears pouring down my face as my legs are peddling. I heard him say with his Italian accent, Lori, I am sorry too. I was angry and I want this anger to end with you. Please forgive me and I don't want you to worry about anything. I worked hard for you, everything I did was for my family and I see that now. Please, Lori, don't cry. I love you and you will be fine. What a blessing to have that experience and I am truly grateful.
In the center of my house, I have an outdoor solarium. I have a table and a couple of chairs, an occasional plant hangs and is usually dead in a month and then I replace it with another. My kids make fun of me because I killed a fake plant. I left the poor thing out in the yard. Who leaves a fake plant outside? One day, I decided that I could create a beautiful space in my solarium. I would buy one plant at a time. If I can keep that plant alive I would allow myself to buy another plant. I will add that my dad had a green thumb and could make anything grow. I would ask him why my plants always died and he would laugh and say you need to water them, do you think they are going to grow on there own? Maybe? Well, you know the answer. So I began my little garden. The first plant, success. Then the second, then the third. Then a miracle happened. My cousin Mary Ann gave me a beautiful orchid. I always thought that you throw them out after the flower died. I love my cousin so much that something told me, (Dad) to hold on to it. So I did. I didn't pay much attention to it. It sat in the corner but what happened was that the orchid was getting a little drink from when I was watering the other plants. A couple of months went by and I was in my little solarium watering my plants and I looked down. My orchid bloomed! I screamed with delight. I could not believe it. I texted my cousin and sent her this picture. I was so proud of my little orchid. Isn't she pretty?
As I was watering my plants this morning,
I realize that this is how my dad is working through me. I have created a space that is alive and thriving, just like me:) It is my dad's way of saying I am always with you. I am watching and guiding you. I have called it Roger's Garden.
Why do I share this with you? We can't do life on our own. We need help and guidance and who better to ask than our angels, saints and loved ones that have passed on to help us out. Ask them. They want to help us. They want to guide us. I know when I try to control what my next move is, it never works out. Here is an example of how I pray, thank you God for my perfect health or thank you God for the abundance in my life and then I surrender to the outcome and enjoy what I am doing at the present moment. A quote that I use every day from a Course In Miracles is, "Holy Spirit, you decide for me." Sometimes doing less is doing more. Let whatever you are worried about go. It will only get you stuck in your worry, fear, and frustration and the universe can't do its thing. Let it go and enjoy the moment. I promise you it works.
Wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving. Please share comments about your experience. I would love to hear them. Love to you all.