What a year! As I look back and reflect on 2021 one word comes to mind... change. From moving out of my home of twenty-two years to sharing my children with my ex during the holidays. Man, it's been tough and I don't know about you but for me change is hard. So here goes...
I am very blessed to live close to the water where I take walks to Crissy Field and Aquatic Park. As I look onto the bay, I find it to be a mirror reflection of my own journey. Every day the bay is different, sometimes the water is calm and peaceful. Sometimes the water is turbulent with rough waves. Just like us, it changes.
The house I lived in was my island, but as life gets lifey it was time to leave. I was terrified to leave my sanctuary where I felt safe and secure. As I stood at the edge of my island, looking out onto the cold dark sea, I thought to myself, "How could I survive out there on my own? Where would I find the courage?" Out of nowhere, a boat appeared. Here was my chance for change so I made the decision to go out into uncharted territories. I jumped in my boat and off I went. At first, I thought this isn't so bad, I can do this and then doubt started creeping in. I panicked as I looked over my shoulder to see if my island was still there but in the distance, was just a little speck. I turned my boat around to go back but the waves were too big. One after the other, the waves came crashing on me. Right as I came up for air there was another one crashing down. How much could I endure? I was drowning so I stop paddling and surrendered. Suddenly the waves settled down and I was back on course. I sat in my boat crying as I looked ahead into the unknown. Where was the current taking me? The change was inevitable because there was no turning back. I looked down and found a flashlight by my feet. Inscribed, in big letters, was one powerful word, FAITH. I was only able to see a few feet in any direction. If I looked to the past or two far ahead the panicking would start up again. Shivering with fright, I heard a voice telling me to stay present and go within.
I face the fear of change by learning to trust my intuition. Meditation gave me the tool to become present and when I am present I see the signs. I know which direction to point my boat. Meditation also helps me understand who the players are in my head. When I am calm and at peace, I flow along enjoying the scenery. When the waters become rocky, which it always will, I know to step back, pause, take a few deep breaths, and know they are just thoughts. Now, As I search for a new Island I realize it is not a place, a job, or a destination. My island is in my heart. My island is always with me no matter where I go. When I feel the pain of change I know I am trying to turn my boat around. My faith reminds me to come back to the present because this is exactly where I am supposed to be.